uhhhhh life on the mind.

it's crazy, so many deep thoughts going in and out my head it's giving me the worst headache. i mostly been thinking about how i am waisting alot of my time messing around with all these guys and getting hurt. i sit there and i say "has love but afraid to use it." of course i'm going to say that! look at all the pieces of my heart i just through out there, i never really LOOKDED and made sure that was a good guy..and on top of that i snuck behind my parents back alot of times. so DUH!

i'm reading Rebecca St. Jame's "wait for me" book. it's actually really awesome. helping me learn and grown.

the other night i was looking outside my window around like midnight-ish and i was looking and praying for hours! and it was awesome it was freezing but awesome. the sky was amazing and..it actually gave me some answers. it helped so much! i just gave all my past from God. i'm done with it, it's not needed anymore. i feel alot better about myself too.

i also having dreams about being married and having a baby. [little boy] i can see myself and the child but not "husband" it's weird. but intresting at the same time. i've also been talking to couple of guys who think sex [can wait] oh man i never realized how amazing it is to hear them wokrs come out of a guy's mouth. it's actually quite attractive. but yeah..it's just great.

i'm not sure where i was going with all that but..i just felt like posting it.

Why is it we know how horrible we lived our past so we move on to a better life but when an old memorie pops up we suddenly miss the past?

Why is it that all guys want is your virginity or he just uses you to get to your best friend because she is prettier or smater?

Why do girls only look for guys looks and not their heart?

Why do people sit around and say their going to change their way of living but it just gets worse?

ill tell you. because were sinners and were lazy, sin to us is yummy but when were busted its discusting. we humans dont stop to pay attention whats around us or what were doing. its upsetting how its hard to talk about god but easy to talk about sex or its hard to read the bible but easy to read playboy. now days kids love to disobey their parent. sometimes i just really wish the world would change. its unsafe, theres killers, rapests, kidnappers and just things that arent healthy for our soul. the internet, tv and people brain wash people. we all need to try harder, harder then we have ever tryed befor to change our attitudes, hearts and style. im going to start now. God will forgive me and let me start over he'll do it for you too.